Respect
Respect
It is the time of year when people’s thoughts turn to love and peace – at a
surface level of course – the concepts of love and peace are almost fantasy. Love
everyone! Yeah, right. And eternal peace? Not within human nature – at any level.
But there is a concept that, though almost as daunting, is at least within the realms
of reality; it is respect.
Respect what? That is the entire challenge, and it’s why respect is within the
realm of possibility where love and peace are not. I shall offer two levels of realistic
respect. The first is simply eschewing disrespect; starting out positively rather than
negatively. The other is to finding that about which someone or something that is a
strong suit and concentrating on it; there is almost always something about
someone – or something – that can generate respect, if we only give it a chance.
More specifically, the basic chafe that disrupts within our culture is lack of
respect. People don’t respect each other; they don’t respect themselves. Consider
those aspects that disturb us most, or at least those of us that come from a different
cultural time. Dress, music, manners, sexual laxity, family disintegration, anger,
moral sliding. All are indications of lack of respect. How can one respect one who
lies and cheats; how can one respect self while lying and cheating. Rap music is
disrespectful by definition; if other kinds of raucous, unmelodic noise are not, their
intrusiveness upon others is. My personal opinion? Is it? I contend it goes deeper
than that – if its intent is not to display lack of respect, its perpetration achieves that
end.
Sexual promiscuity and family disintegration are also, in my view, lack of respect;
for partners, for self – for the very central institution of our – any – culture. My
rationale? I content narcissism precludes respect, and, I would argue, has nothing
to do with self respect, any more than does lust define love. The currently popular
concept of self esteem comes to mind, a concept that our new take on culture has
virtually destroyed, as it is something now bestowed rather than earned, and
bestowed virtually indiscriminately.
There is more, however. Our new culture doesn’t respect our institutions either,
our educational system, our government – even culture itself, as it has always
been. We want to pick them apart, tear them down, and everything associated with
them – even though they are an extension of us and their shortfalls reflect our own.
Is there cause for criticism? Of course, there is always cause for criticism, but there
is also cause for respect. Would that we would bother to try and find it, starting
perhaps with a comparison with alternatives. We do not appreciate what we have
because we do not respect what we have.
Culture, of course, is compilation of our past. It has become popular to damn it
because it is flawed, as man is flawed, by comparing it to present mores and
ignoring the influence of time and place. But then we don’t respect history either; in
fact we prefer to create our own through celebration of relativity and diversity. No
one culture is inherently any better than any other, so we revile our own while
overlooking other. But that’s easy enough since our culture understands other
cultures no better than it does history. Isn’t it interesting that we demand respect for
the cultures others bring to ours, but forgive them for not respecting ours? Perhaps
that’s because in tearing down our own culture we feel that any other must be
superior. One cannot help but realize that a great deal of our lack of respect comes
from ignorance, and here is another example of lack of respect: with such disdain
for knowledge we replace it with preconceived, propagandized opinion. Let’s add
ignorance to narcissism as something that precludes respect.
Suddenly we find so many concepts that we used to hold dear that are directly
tied to respect. Pride? Responsibility? Dependability. All obscured by relativity and
obsession with unearned self esteem. These are the cultural concepts that brought
us the luxury of disdain – so easy to sit back in comfort and security and censure
that which made it possible. Nor, I would venture, would we countenance any
suggestion to give it up. In fact the strongest proponents of disdain are those who
enjoy the greatest comforts and freedoms. But that is probably to be expected; it is
always those who have the most that appreciate it least.
No no, they would say, we are replacing that old culture with one new, vastly
more exciting, without history, where all those other things are, as they should be,
are relative. But that is to misunderstand culture. Cultures are not replaced –
changed, yes, but only over time and ever so slowly. Our culture is not being
replaced; merely overlaid with a veneer of irresponsibility – one that lacks respect.
Respect is a small word with a big meaning. laying as it does at the foundation
of any culture, it is that upon which the culture has been constructed. If the
foundation crumbles nothing remains to support the structure, much less the
veneer. Without respect, ultimately there is nothing.
It is the time of year when people’s thoughts turn to love and peace – at a
surface level of course – the concepts of love and peace are almost fantasy. Love
everyone! Yeah, right. And eternal peace? Not within human nature – at any level.
But there is a concept that, though almost as daunting, is at least within the realms
of reality; it is respect.
Respect what? That is the entire challenge, and it’s why respect is within the
realm of possibility where love and peace are not. I shall offer two levels of realistic
respect. The first is simply eschewing disrespect; starting out positively rather than
negatively. The other is to finding that about which someone or something that is a
strong suit and concentrating on it; there is almost always something about
someone – or something – that can generate respect, if we only give it a chance.
More specifically, the basic chafe that disrupts within our culture is lack of
respect. People don’t respect each other; they don’t respect themselves. Consider
those aspects that disturb us most, or at least those of us that come from a different
cultural time. Dress, music, manners, sexual laxity, family disintegration, anger,
moral sliding. All are indications of lack of respect. How can one respect one who
lies and cheats; how can one respect self while lying and cheating. Rap music is
disrespectful by definition; if other kinds of raucous, unmelodic noise are not, their
intrusiveness upon others is. My personal opinion? Is it? I contend it goes deeper
than that – if its intent is not to display lack of respect, its perpetration achieves that
end.
Sexual promiscuity and family disintegration are also, in my view, lack of respect;
for partners, for self – for the very central institution of our – any – culture. My
rationale? I content narcissism precludes respect, and, I would argue, has nothing
to do with self respect, any more than does lust define love. The currently popular
concept of self esteem comes to mind, a concept that our new take on culture has
virtually destroyed, as it is something now bestowed rather than earned, and
bestowed virtually indiscriminately.
There is more, however. Our new culture doesn’t respect our institutions either,
our educational system, our government – even culture itself, as it has always
been. We want to pick them apart, tear them down, and everything associated with
them – even though they are an extension of us and their shortfalls reflect our own.
Is there cause for criticism? Of course, there is always cause for criticism, but there
is also cause for respect. Would that we would bother to try and find it, starting
perhaps with a comparison with alternatives. We do not appreciate what we have
because we do not respect what we have.
Culture, of course, is compilation of our past. It has become popular to damn it
because it is flawed, as man is flawed, by comparing it to present mores and
ignoring the influence of time and place. But then we don’t respect history either; in
fact we prefer to create our own through celebration of relativity and diversity. No
one culture is inherently any better than any other, so we revile our own while
overlooking other. But that’s easy enough since our culture understands other
cultures no better than it does history. Isn’t it interesting that we demand respect for
the cultures others bring to ours, but forgive them for not respecting ours? Perhaps
that’s because in tearing down our own culture we feel that any other must be
superior. One cannot help but realize that a great deal of our lack of respect comes
from ignorance, and here is another example of lack of respect: with such disdain
for knowledge we replace it with preconceived, propagandized opinion. Let’s add
ignorance to narcissism as something that precludes respect.
Suddenly we find so many concepts that we used to hold dear that are directly
tied to respect. Pride? Responsibility? Dependability. All obscured by relativity and
obsession with unearned self esteem. These are the cultural concepts that brought
us the luxury of disdain – so easy to sit back in comfort and security and censure
that which made it possible. Nor, I would venture, would we countenance any
suggestion to give it up. In fact the strongest proponents of disdain are those who
enjoy the greatest comforts and freedoms. But that is probably to be expected; it is
always those who have the most that appreciate it least.
No no, they would say, we are replacing that old culture with one new, vastly
more exciting, without history, where all those other things are, as they should be,
are relative. But that is to misunderstand culture. Cultures are not replaced –
changed, yes, but only over time and ever so slowly. Our culture is not being
replaced; merely overlaid with a veneer of irresponsibility – one that lacks respect.
Respect is a small word with a big meaning. laying as it does at the foundation
of any culture, it is that upon which the culture has been constructed. If the
foundation crumbles nothing remains to support the structure, much less the
veneer. Without respect, ultimately there is nothing.
Respect:
Why are we so quick to sense lack of respect from others, and
so slow in offering it to them?
To be a leader of men, one must be respected; but it is most
difficult to gain respect when one does not first respect those
he would lead.
Respect. A small word, a colossal concept. Give and thou
shalt receive.
If we believe that each has that for which he or she can be
regarded as special, and we learn to recognize it, we should
then respect them for it. To acknowledge special-ness is not
a difficult thing; to recognize it in individuals is infinitely more
difficult; to render the respect that it deserves is most difficult
of all - and then only if it is deserved.
Mutual respect between two individuals is a thing of greatest
value, and exquisite beauty.
To be respected, one must first respect. Without that, there
may be obedience, admiration, envy, appreciation, even awe;
but not respect.
To be respected is one of the greatest gifts one can receive; to
respect is one of the greatest gifts one can bestow.
The road to respect is through empathy. To respect, one need
first understand. To understand, one must see things through
others’ eyes.
What wondrous things could we achieve, could we only
ensure mutual respect.
Each individual is different, and sees life through different
eyes. To survive requires compromise. To compromise, one
must open the mind, and learn to respect the views of others -
however alienthey might seem.
One can respect what one does not love, but love can not long
endure without respect.
Though a precious gift, giving of respect is never trivial; it must
first be earned.
Our society, our culture, is like a magnificent edifice, each
module with its own importance to the efficacy of the whole:
freedoms, rights, responsibilities, representation. Respect is
the mortar that holds the structure together; without it there is
naught but rubble.
Mutual respect is the glue of a successful relationship, any
successful relationship.
How can one love what one can not respect?
Why are we so quick to sense lack of respect from others, and
so slow in offering it to them?
To be a leader of men, one must be respected; but it is most
difficult to gain respect when one does not first respect those
he would lead.
Respect. A small word, a colossal concept. Give and thou
shalt receive.
If we believe that each has that for which he or she can be
regarded as special, and we learn to recognize it, we should
then respect them for it. To acknowledge special-ness is not
a difficult thing; to recognize it in individuals is infinitely more
difficult; to render the respect that it deserves is most difficult
of all - and then only if it is deserved.
Mutual respect between two individuals is a thing of greatest
value, and exquisite beauty.
To be respected, one must first respect. Without that, there
may be obedience, admiration, envy, appreciation, even awe;
but not respect.
To be respected is one of the greatest gifts one can receive; to
respect is one of the greatest gifts one can bestow.
The road to respect is through empathy. To respect, one need
first understand. To understand, one must see things through
others’ eyes.
What wondrous things could we achieve, could we only
ensure mutual respect.
Each individual is different, and sees life through different
eyes. To survive requires compromise. To compromise, one
must open the mind, and learn to respect the views of others -
however alienthey might seem.
One can respect what one does not love, but love can not long
endure without respect.
Though a precious gift, giving of respect is never trivial; it must
first be earned.
Our society, our culture, is like a magnificent edifice, each
module with its own importance to the efficacy of the whole:
freedoms, rights, responsibilities, representation. Respect is
the mortar that holds the structure together; without it there is
naught but rubble.
Mutual respect is the glue of a successful relationship, any
successful relationship.
How can one love what one can not respect?
Arrogance and Ruthlessness
Here is a brain exercise to chew on.
What is the relationship between respect and
arrogance. I have several thoughts on the
matter.
The first is that arrogance is frequently
the basis for not respecting something or
someone. Arrogance, after all, is a form of
conceit, and thus leads to a self centered,
even narcissistic view of things. Thus it is
quite normal for one who is arrogant to
respect little other than self.
The other is that strong leadership is
often rooted in arrogance - or at least
associated with it. It might even be said that
to get things done requires a measure of
arrogance and the ruthlessness that
accompanies it, arrogance being an extreme
of confidence and ruthlessness what it
spawns.
With this in mind, and as a result of
recent reading I have done, I have begun to
form another view of arrogance. But first my
original view. Arrogance has always been
anathema to me. I am very sensitive to its
existence, even to the point of thinking I see it
when it's not there. I hate arrogance. But I
have begun to see its effectiveness, along
with ruthlessness, as a leadership tool - or
prescription for getting things done. If one
has no concern for obstacles - or more
appropriately no respect for anything that
stands in the way - it can make getting things
done easier, provided, of course it is
accompanied by power and executed with
ruthlessness.
I am not recommending arrogance or
ruthlessness as a management tool; I am
recognizing it as something that people with
power use to get things done; but then that
assumes a close connection between
arrogance and power. Power, after all,
breeds arrogance - and both reduce respect.
The reading that caused me to begin
thinking about this was a\the Pulitzer Prize
winning book by Robert Caro about Robert
Moses, entitled The Power Broker. Reading
it one cannot help but recognize what drove
Moses as he dominated public works
construction in New York: brilliance,
arrogance and ruthlessness - combined they
created an awesome and quite unusual kind
of power.
Thinking about that, however, I began
seeing similar attributes among many of the
"great" men of history: Caesar, Napoleon,
Patton, and most of the successful kings of
Europe and emperors of almost everywhere.
One can argue about which came first, the
power or the arrogance, but less arguable, I
believe, is the resulting diminution of respect.
Thus my observation: respect and arrogance
are seldom seen in the same person, at
least certainly not in equal measures.
I abhor arrogance no less; but perhaps
where it doesn't exist things get done with
less efficacy, suggesting, perhaps, an
unfortunate reality in life, when pursued with
the necessary ruthlessness.
Here is a brain exercise to chew on.
What is the relationship between respect and
arrogance. I have several thoughts on the
matter.
The first is that arrogance is frequently
the basis for not respecting something or
someone. Arrogance, after all, is a form of
conceit, and thus leads to a self centered,
even narcissistic view of things. Thus it is
quite normal for one who is arrogant to
respect little other than self.
The other is that strong leadership is
often rooted in arrogance - or at least
associated with it. It might even be said that
to get things done requires a measure of
arrogance and the ruthlessness that
accompanies it, arrogance being an extreme
of confidence and ruthlessness what it
spawns.
With this in mind, and as a result of
recent reading I have done, I have begun to
form another view of arrogance. But first my
original view. Arrogance has always been
anathema to me. I am very sensitive to its
existence, even to the point of thinking I see it
when it's not there. I hate arrogance. But I
have begun to see its effectiveness, along
with ruthlessness, as a leadership tool - or
prescription for getting things done. If one
has no concern for obstacles - or more
appropriately no respect for anything that
stands in the way - it can make getting things
done easier, provided, of course it is
accompanied by power and executed with
ruthlessness.
I am not recommending arrogance or
ruthlessness as a management tool; I am
recognizing it as something that people with
power use to get things done; but then that
assumes a close connection between
arrogance and power. Power, after all,
breeds arrogance - and both reduce respect.
The reading that caused me to begin
thinking about this was a\the Pulitzer Prize
winning book by Robert Caro about Robert
Moses, entitled The Power Broker. Reading
it one cannot help but recognize what drove
Moses as he dominated public works
construction in New York: brilliance,
arrogance and ruthlessness - combined they
created an awesome and quite unusual kind
of power.
Thinking about that, however, I began
seeing similar attributes among many of the
"great" men of history: Caesar, Napoleon,
Patton, and most of the successful kings of
Europe and emperors of almost everywhere.
One can argue about which came first, the
power or the arrogance, but less arguable, I
believe, is the resulting diminution of respect.
Thus my observation: respect and arrogance
are seldom seen in the same person, at
least certainly not in equal measures.
I abhor arrogance no less; but perhaps
where it doesn't exist things get done with
less efficacy, suggesting, perhaps, an
unfortunate reality in life, when pursued with
the necessary ruthlessness.